We got Alex's progress report...and guess what....doing homework pays off (heel of hand to forehead!). He is currently sitting with 4 A's (two above 97%) and and his AP psychology is up from a 56 to a 77. He isn't allowed on a computer or in his room and his teachers sign off on his agenda, and then he sits in the dining room and does his work. He still requires prompting to begin work and will lie to the step-dad about having it done...then when I come home for work, he tells me he still has to do it...but in the end it is done.
Yeah for progress! May be his best quarter of his life....
Except...he had a take home psychology test. We have discussed take home tests at length....that he is allowed and expected to look up the answers. That there is no excuse not to make a 100%. He had 4 days to look up 50 questions. Everyday I asked him if he had looked them up. After the second day I decided to up the threat to if he didn't get a 100% that he would have to copy the entire chapters (3) out of the textbook on to paper by hand. He insisted "I got this" "I looked them up". I might have let him slide if he had missed one...but he got a 70% on the test....telling me he likely didn't look up any or maybe one or two he wasn't sure about.
Now, he is mad at me because I said his friend (see more about his first "friend" later) couldn't come over this weekend and spend the night until he had all of his work done including copying three chapters. He said I "promised" that his friend could come and I pointed out he "promised" he had looked up all the answers....so we were even. He retaliated by refusing to brush his teeth...and I told him that was his decision and that he had to live with the damage done to his teeth and pay his own dental bills in a year anyway so I didn't care.....
Sigh....one step forward....then a baby step back but progress is progress....right?
Friday, February 17, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Hard work pays off....
Ok...so for the last 3 1/2 weeks my evenings have been stressful. We put Alex in a "elementry school" type program where he has to have his assignments and agenda signed off by both his teachers at school and me at home! Given that he is a Junior in High School, we shouldn't have to do this. My two NT/ADHD son's are in 8th grade and they do their homework without my standing over their shoulder.
Alex and I argue every night. He goes upstairs for any reason possible. He delays. He uses the bathroom 8 times in 2 hours. He scatters papers all over the living room and dining room. He needs a snack. He needs new batteries. He can't think with the tv on. Excuses, Excuses about homework...so two hours worth of work takes 6 or 7. In the past, I would have given in and told him I didn't care....do what he wanted....but this time I am holding strong!
I won't let him up from the table until it is done and done correctly. I have made him sit there from 4 to 10 pm...when he is done he is still stuck in the living room with me.
But three weeks into this semester, he has 3 A's (Chemistry 98%, Challenge/Honors English, 96%, and American History 92%) one B (Child Growth and Development 84% and climbing), and one C (AP Psychology 77%...up from a 56% two weeks ago...and A+ on his last two quizes!). He is much less argumentative about getting his homework done. Now, most days it is done and ready for me to sign off on when I get home from work at 5 pm. He still tries to skip assignments, and I have caught him not writing things down or only doing half an assignment or procrastinating....but when I catch him now, he admits it and goes to sit down and get it done. He told me he has figured out that in order to do well in AP Psychology, it helps to read the textbook (duh!). His teacher and I have told him that all year long but I guess he had to figure it out himself over half way through the class!
I know better than to lighten up on him...and I can't tell him that I am proud of him and that he is doing a great job, because to him that is the signal to quit working....so I'll say it here, where he can't see it! I am proud that he is finally working up to potential and maybe learning some good study habits. Next quarter, I might even let him go to his room after he gets his agenda signed off!
Alex and I argue every night. He goes upstairs for any reason possible. He delays. He uses the bathroom 8 times in 2 hours. He scatters papers all over the living room and dining room. He needs a snack. He needs new batteries. He can't think with the tv on. Excuses, Excuses about homework...so two hours worth of work takes 6 or 7. In the past, I would have given in and told him I didn't care....do what he wanted....but this time I am holding strong!
I won't let him up from the table until it is done and done correctly. I have made him sit there from 4 to 10 pm...when he is done he is still stuck in the living room with me.
But three weeks into this semester, he has 3 A's (Chemistry 98%, Challenge/Honors English, 96%, and American History 92%) one B (Child Growth and Development 84% and climbing), and one C (AP Psychology 77%...up from a 56% two weeks ago...and A+ on his last two quizes!). He is much less argumentative about getting his homework done. Now, most days it is done and ready for me to sign off on when I get home from work at 5 pm. He still tries to skip assignments, and I have caught him not writing things down or only doing half an assignment or procrastinating....but when I catch him now, he admits it and goes to sit down and get it done. He told me he has figured out that in order to do well in AP Psychology, it helps to read the textbook (duh!). His teacher and I have told him that all year long but I guess he had to figure it out himself over half way through the class!
I know better than to lighten up on him...and I can't tell him that I am proud of him and that he is doing a great job, because to him that is the signal to quit working....so I'll say it here, where he can't see it! I am proud that he is finally working up to potential and maybe learning some good study habits. Next quarter, I might even let him go to his room after he gets his agenda signed off!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Epic FAIL....the baby is broken
How can they give a broken baby to an AS kid? A normal teen would have trouble with the plastic baby crying uncontrollably...an AS kid who is easily anxious, and reacts to sensory (especially noise) overload a baby whose sensor is broken and won't respond to his care. He has fed and diapered and rocked and changed the baby for hours and it still screams....we resorted to wrapping it in a blanket and putting it in the closet. I am a pediatrican and I can't even get the dang thing to quit squalling. We went next door and consulted another doctor who specializes in hospitalized children (who's daughter did the assignment last year...) and neither of them had any suggestions. The girl next door said the baby's not "chiming" so it isn't coded to the sensor and therefore not registering any of his care. Now my son is saying he is a failure and will never be a good father because he is the worst person in the universe for shuting a plastic doll in the closet....and I can't say that I blame him. Who says AS kids are not empathetic?
I knew this was going to be a long night.....but had no idea how long! Grandma needs a cocktail....
I knew this was going to be a long night.....but had no idea how long! Grandma needs a cocktail....
Oh baby...tonight is going to be interesting...
My AS/ADHD 16 year old son is taking child growth and development this semester. Part of his duty is to take care of a "baby" for 24 hours. He is a super deep sleeper...so it is going to be interesting how this evening goes. I am a bit afraid that one of his brothers will decide to "mess" with the "baby" by shaking it or otherwise tease or convince him to do something bad to it...I am also afraid this thing is going to cry all night long and keep me up!
On the other hand....he may turn out to be a great "dad" and be very protective and do everything just right for a happy "baby"....we will see!
On a good note...his grades are higher than they ever have been, 3 A's a B and a C....he is turning in all his assignments and keeping his planner. His teachers are following through with signing it and being grounded to the living room is working. If this quarter keeps up well, we may lighten up a bit and let him go to his room and play on the computer AFTER we sign off on his agenda next quarter! : )
On the other hand....he may turn out to be a great "dad" and be very protective and do everything just right for a happy "baby"....we will see!
On a good note...his grades are higher than they ever have been, 3 A's a B and a C....he is turning in all his assignments and keeping his planner. His teachers are following through with signing it and being grounded to the living room is working. If this quarter keeps up well, we may lighten up a bit and let him go to his room and play on the computer AFTER we sign off on his agenda next quarter! : )
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
If he is the one in trouble....why am I the one being punished?
Ok....so Alex did get up promptly Sat AM and take his meds and started on his work. He divided it into some he could do Friday, some Sat and the rest Sunday. He was done about noon with his work...and per his grounding, spent the rest of the day on the couch with me. He helped me do some dishes..then his younger brothers and one of their friends agreed to play Dungeons and Dragons with him. We almost had a meltdown because they weren't playing it perfectly...but he self corrected and realized that he couldn't scream if he wanted them to keep playing with him. When they were done, they asked him to go outside and play kickball with them. He decided he would (I think as much to get away from being stuck in the living room than because of a sense of "trade"). I let him go upstairs finally about 8:00. He woke up Sunday am and was given the choice to help with some family chores or do his missing Psychology assignments.
(Remember....at the end of the semester we found out that he threw away all of his notes for Psychology from the first semester....because he didn't want to remember D's. That sounds great but he failed to realize it is a YEAR LONG class and AP with both an AP exam and an end of course exam in May!)
He printed out all the back Psych study guides and proceeded to do half of them while focused...until about 2:30. He sat at the table and played a solitaire game of D and D...how I don't know...and announced at 5:30 he was going to bed. I said nope...so he sat and pouted until 9:00 when I finally let him go upstairs. His room is trashed again....I don't know how since he isn't ever in it!
On the positive side...he did two loads of laundry Sunday! (New Years rule....if you want clean clothes you have to do them yourself!)
OK...so I am now ready to KILL my child! I spend all day dealing with kids...some sick, some crying, some behavior issues. While I am typing this...a kid is screaming in the background and another mom is letting her baby play with everything on the nurses station...the last thing I want to deal with when I get home is arguing over homework and meltdowns, being told what to do by my middle kid (yes we are in counseling and no I don't do what he says), trying to help the youngest if he needs something...and all the while arguing with SD over what is AS and what is laziness, what is disrespectful and what is me not demanding respect, what is whiney cry baby and what is sensitive and easy to upset...basically....what is our fault and what is just the way the kids are...
Some days I feel like it is all my fault because I screwed something up with all three of them...and some days I feel like it is because I am such a great mother that the AS kid, the bully, and the manipulative cry baby are all turning out to be decent human beings....I hope!
(Remember....at the end of the semester we found out that he threw away all of his notes for Psychology from the first semester....because he didn't want to remember D's. That sounds great but he failed to realize it is a YEAR LONG class and AP with both an AP exam and an end of course exam in May!)
He printed out all the back Psych study guides and proceeded to do half of them while focused...until about 2:30. He sat at the table and played a solitaire game of D and D...how I don't know...and announced at 5:30 he was going to bed. I said nope...so he sat and pouted until 9:00 when I finally let him go upstairs. His room is trashed again....I don't know how since he isn't ever in it!
On the positive side...he did two loads of laundry Sunday! (New Years rule....if you want clean clothes you have to do them yourself!)
OK...so I am now ready to KILL my child! I spend all day dealing with kids...some sick, some crying, some behavior issues. While I am typing this...a kid is screaming in the background and another mom is letting her baby play with everything on the nurses station...the last thing I want to deal with when I get home is arguing over homework and meltdowns, being told what to do by my middle kid (yes we are in counseling and no I don't do what he says), trying to help the youngest if he needs something...and all the while arguing with SD over what is AS and what is laziness, what is disrespectful and what is me not demanding respect, what is whiney cry baby and what is sensitive and easy to upset...basically....what is our fault and what is just the way the kids are...
Some days I feel like it is all my fault because I screwed something up with all three of them...and some days I feel like it is because I am such a great mother that the AS kid, the bully, and the manipulative cry baby are all turning out to be decent human beings....I hope!
Friday, January 6, 2012
To believe or not to believe....or Spanish will be the death of me....
I wish I had known that my son had Aspergers at the beginning of the school year....I wish I had known that Aspies don't do well with studying foreign languages. I knew he had a C in Spanish 1 (not bad for not doing any homework for 1/2 the class)...so based on the requirement for college prep of 2-3 years of foreign language...we signed him up for Spanish 2. First quarter...he was excited. A new interesting teacher and completed assignments meant he had a B for the first quarter. Most of it must have been some review of Spanish 1 as well. He began to get bogged down by early second quarter so a tutor was arranged. This was a peer of his and come to find out they spent most of the sessions discussing overthrowing the government rather than reviewing Spanish. Alex, as you all know by now, missed a week mid-second quarter, and this was the only teacher not cooperating with parent communication. He failed the second quarter and wound up with a D for the semester.
As part of his 504 plan, he was given the opportunity this week to make up a missing test and several missing big assignments....enough to bring his final grade to a C level. He went as instructed to get the list of assignments...but neither he or the teacher thought about the fact that HE TURNED IN HIS BOOK AT THE END OF THE SEMESTER. UGH! So, today he apparently went to the classroom twice to borrow a book to make up his work...and the teacher was there neither time. He is notorious for lying about these things in the past so I don't know whether to believe him about trying to find the book...or if he "just forgot"...or if he hates Spanish so much he did it as an avoidance measure to keep from having to do the make up work over the weekend.....
Looks like Monday, Tuesday and Wens night will be long ones doing all his regular assignments and all his Spanish make up...because it all has to be turned in by the 12th!
As part of his 504 plan, he was given the opportunity this week to make up a missing test and several missing big assignments....enough to bring his final grade to a C level. He went as instructed to get the list of assignments...but neither he or the teacher thought about the fact that HE TURNED IN HIS BOOK AT THE END OF THE SEMESTER. UGH! So, today he apparently went to the classroom twice to borrow a book to make up his work...and the teacher was there neither time. He is notorious for lying about these things in the past so I don't know whether to believe him about trying to find the book...or if he "just forgot"...or if he hates Spanish so much he did it as an avoidance measure to keep from having to do the make up work over the weekend.....
Looks like Monday, Tuesday and Wens night will be long ones doing all his regular assignments and all his Spanish make up...because it all has to be turned in by the 12th!
504 status....after 12 years of waiting.
Haven't had much time to blog since school started, but went to a school conference with the IEP coordinator and the guidance counselor and all his teachers on the first day of school.
Yeah! He is finally listed as a 504...which essentially means that the school accepts that he is different and has to make some exceptions to the rules because of it. First of all, even though he is in 11th grade all of his teachers have to verify at the end of class that he actually wrote down his assignment and initial it. At the end of the day, his last teacher has to verify that all the other teachers did what they were supposed to....when he comes home from school he does his homework and then I, or SD look at his agenda and verify that each item is completed and sign off on it. When he get back to school the next day, if an assignment isn't turned in or late or missing...we all know it was done and we can then try and figure out where he lost it. Second, his visits to the psychologist for his disorder will not count against his absences. Third, he gets to leave his text books at home....so he never "forgets" them. All he carries in his backpack are his notebooks. He has a textbook in each class for his use in class. Thankfully, by college all his books will be on a lightweight kindle probably anyway so that won't matter. Fourth, all of his teachers will break down big projects into smaller step by step assignments.
Fifth, Every Monday morning, I will email his teachers and remind them to email back with a weekly progress report on how things went for the past week.
At this time there are no plans for a reduced work load....every subject but psychology seems like a reasonable amount to me...and that is an AP class so he just needs to accept the work load (especially since that is his planned college major...and if he can cut it in HS he isn't going to make it in college).
They did discuss with the Spanish 2 teacher from last semester, and have given him a list of about 6 missing assignments to do over this weekend, and a test to take next Thursday...if he accomplishes that....he will bring his grade up to a C for the semester, rather than a D....and we will talk to college about perhaps waiving the foreign language requirement or substituting another class for it since it is hard enough for him to learn to speak English and Expression without have to learn it all in a different language.
I like all his teachers...a lot. His Psychology teacher has seen through his bullshit, and says he is very gifted in that area and there is no reason he can't have an A and get a 4 or 5 on the AP exam...he just has to do his study guides. His English teacher this year is focused on Literature and is more than willing to think outside the box. He suggested that Alex use audio CD's if he doesn't like "reading" the books (so we went and bought a $20 portable cd player and went to two different libraries to find The Great Gatsby...and it is working!) (I found it interesting that two different librarians both spelled Gatsby wrong...I guess classics just aren't what they used to be!). His Chemistry teacher is a young cute lady who loves her subject...and the fact that Alex is excited to be learning all about how to balance equations. His US history teacher is good at making history exciting and understandable and interesting....so hopefully that will be a good thing. Alex's final class is Child Growth and Development...which is broken down into two parts...one half text book and the other half as a preschool teacher/observer of child development and psychology (again...his special interest).
So far, I am optimistic about the upcoming semester.....we will see how it goes!
Yeah! He is finally listed as a 504...which essentially means that the school accepts that he is different and has to make some exceptions to the rules because of it. First of all, even though he is in 11th grade all of his teachers have to verify at the end of class that he actually wrote down his assignment and initial it. At the end of the day, his last teacher has to verify that all the other teachers did what they were supposed to....when he comes home from school he does his homework and then I, or SD look at his agenda and verify that each item is completed and sign off on it. When he get back to school the next day, if an assignment isn't turned in or late or missing...we all know it was done and we can then try and figure out where he lost it. Second, his visits to the psychologist for his disorder will not count against his absences. Third, he gets to leave his text books at home....so he never "forgets" them. All he carries in his backpack are his notebooks. He has a textbook in each class for his use in class. Thankfully, by college all his books will be on a lightweight kindle probably anyway so that won't matter. Fourth, all of his teachers will break down big projects into smaller step by step assignments.
Fifth, Every Monday morning, I will email his teachers and remind them to email back with a weekly progress report on how things went for the past week.
At this time there are no plans for a reduced work load....every subject but psychology seems like a reasonable amount to me...and that is an AP class so he just needs to accept the work load (especially since that is his planned college major...and if he can cut it in HS he isn't going to make it in college).
They did discuss with the Spanish 2 teacher from last semester, and have given him a list of about 6 missing assignments to do over this weekend, and a test to take next Thursday...if he accomplishes that....he will bring his grade up to a C for the semester, rather than a D....and we will talk to college about perhaps waiving the foreign language requirement or substituting another class for it since it is hard enough for him to learn to speak English and Expression without have to learn it all in a different language.
I like all his teachers...a lot. His Psychology teacher has seen through his bullshit, and says he is very gifted in that area and there is no reason he can't have an A and get a 4 or 5 on the AP exam...he just has to do his study guides. His English teacher this year is focused on Literature and is more than willing to think outside the box. He suggested that Alex use audio CD's if he doesn't like "reading" the books (so we went and bought a $20 portable cd player and went to two different libraries to find The Great Gatsby...and it is working!) (I found it interesting that two different librarians both spelled Gatsby wrong...I guess classics just aren't what they used to be!). His Chemistry teacher is a young cute lady who loves her subject...and the fact that Alex is excited to be learning all about how to balance equations. His US history teacher is good at making history exciting and understandable and interesting....so hopefully that will be a good thing. Alex's final class is Child Growth and Development...which is broken down into two parts...one half text book and the other half as a preschool teacher/observer of child development and psychology (again...his special interest).
So far, I am optimistic about the upcoming semester.....we will see how it goes!
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