One big clue my son has AS was that he had a cell phone he never used...forgot to carry....and never had charged or turned on. He had only 1 friend in his phone, I didn't add for him. Not your typical almost 17 year old son!
He has been away for 5 days...that include Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and it didn't dawn on him to call or text his mom that he made it safely to his Dad's, or to say Merry Christmas. I know he made it fine because his younger brother has called or texted continuously...and he said he was fine. Sigh....I tried to call him...but of course the phone isn't on.
He always has his iTouch with him...he likes to listen to the same D and D podcasts over and over again. (until it go stolen from him/he lost it at school a few weeks ago) I have debated about upgrading him to an iPhone....just because then I will be sure he has it and it's on and in his ears when I need to get ahold of him.
The plus side is...if and when he ever gets a license to drive I'll never have to worry about him texting or using the phone while driving....
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
To call or not to call....
My son has now been gone since Dec. 23rd. I have a total of 3 teen boys...two with their dad and one with his grandparents and all in N.C. The younger two boys (both 8th grade) and both
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Grade Cards the day before Christmas....
God bless my son! I learned to say that after living in the South for 12 years. It is always followed by something that you are going to say bad about someone...or you can talk trash about them and then say "God Bless 'EM" and that makes it alright!
So, God bless him...he got his first grade card since diagnosis with Asperger's and all sorts of "special" accommodations from school, and group therapy to the tune of $50/week. All this extra help was supposed to make our lives, better, easier....like the old show Bionic Man. What he came home with were the worst grades of his life. For the quarter, he had an A in gym (for showing up)...3 D's and an F! For the semester, he wound up with an A, 2 C's and 2 D's....thanks in part to the B's he had from the first quarter, when we were doing it by ourselves with no diagnosis.
I thought getting him diagnosed, and having him learn about Asperger's was going to help...but no....since he has been going to group therapy...he's now really starting to ACT like he has it with no effort to fit in or act "neuro-typical". It isn't that he is trying to use it as an excuse...so maybe I am just uber sensitive and finding out all these traits, since I am doing research and I am realizing more and more what used to be just odd is now officially "Aspie".
His step-dad says he is lazy. We have made efforts to leave work early to pick him up after school, because he seemed to think it was easier to do his school work at school than at home. I emailed all of his teacher, who assured me he was "doing just fine". WTF? Do they think D's and F's are acceptable in my house? Did they not listen to me at the team meeting when I told them if you tell him he is doing fine HE THINKS HE IS DONE AND QUITS WORKING! He told me to back off and let him do it his way several weeks ago...so I did. Not a single assignment was turned in since that day! I explained in advance...no scholarship...no college money from Mom.
Ok, I know a lot of parents of kids with Autism and Asperger's would be happy if their child even had a hope of college...but this is a kid with an IQ of 130 and he is almost 17...there is no reason for him not to excel. The fact that he managed to pass all his classes (yes, I guess the D's are passing by some parents standards) without doing a single assignment for the semester is AMAZING! His classes are Honors English (which this year he loves because it is literature again), AP Psychology (which he loves but doesn't do his study guides so he is bombing....and he wants to be a psychologist when he grows up??), Trig (math...yeah!), Spanish II (he hates and will never take Spanish again), and Gym (which for the first time ever he seemed to like). Typically, I would have expected him to be able to pull off B's in Trig and Psychology and a B or C in English and a low C in Spanish II...so what the heck happened this quarter?
My great friend's daughter died after injuries suffered in a car wreck about a month ago. My son was raised with this girl...they went on family vacations together, they went to school together, they did community theatre together....they told people that their moms were BFF so that meant they were cousins. We moved out of town, but saw her last spring for my son's surprise 16th birthday party down south. For a week, we were here...waiting for news. I am sure he couldn't concentrate very well at school after finding out about the wreck. Then after she passed away....off we went on a 16 hour drive to be there for the visitation and funeral. We were gone a week. We came back just in time for a two-day week and then a 5 day Thanksgiving break. I emailed his teachers...they said "don't worry about it"....I asked them to prepare all his assignments so that he could work over the 5 day break. Most of them didn't give him any. I emailed repeatedly...and have back confirmation from all of them that he had turned in "most" of his missing work and was doing well with the material and had "caught up". So, why are his grades the worst in his life?
I don't know if:
1. The teachers now expect less of him because of his diagnosis.
2. He now has an excuse to do bad because of the diagnosis.
3. The death of his friend, and change of routine was insurmountable because of the diagnosis.
4. He is now so obsessed with Dungeons and Dragons that he doesn't do work anymore.
5. The amount of make up work was so great that his anxiety caused him to shut down and just not do anything anymore.
6. Some combination of all of the above.
So, he is going down south to his dad's for Christmas. There we were, the day we are supposed to be celebrating our family Christmas Eve...and I am yelling at my son, asking if he is truly as lazy as some people think...because it appears he didn't even TRY! Not a single assignment done...no make up work...no new work...no assignments I asked about and was told were done....not the take home test that I made special arrangements with the teacher for him to turn in late. NOTHING! His response, "You're right, Mom. My way didn't work. I guess we can do it your way next semester."
My way is this. I am trying to arrange a meeting with all his new teachers and the guidance counselor and director of "Special Services" at the beginning of the new semester to adjust his schedule a bit to lighten his load. I want an email at the beginning of the week from each teacher (no exception...the class he failed, the teacher never once replied to an email). I want him to come straight home after school (no sneaking around with your D and D friends when you promised me you were doing all your homework). He will come home, shower, shave, and brush his teeth until his step-dad gets home at 4 pm. He will then sit at the kitchen table in silence doing all of his homework until it is inspected and certified as done by his step-dad. He is then free to hang out with us and watch tv or read in the living room, but he is grounded from any computers, video games, ipod (not a biggie...he lost it a few weeks ago anyway), and his brothers rooms for the quarter. If this doesn't work...we do things his step-dad's way...which is he sits and studies each subject with him from 4 pm until bed with not breaks.
What I just don't get is why my son could do this a few years ago...but not now?? Everything I have read points to Asperger's symptoms getting better as they age...not worse. He has more symptoms in the last three months than ever before...so I am back to the question, "Did diagnosing him make him worse?"
Merry FREAKING Christmas...Mom's done yelling at you so lets go open some presents! God bless him!
So, God bless him...he got his first grade card since diagnosis with Asperger's and all sorts of "special" accommodations from school, and group therapy to the tune of $50/week. All this extra help was supposed to make our lives, better, easier....like the old show Bionic Man. What he came home with were the worst grades of his life. For the quarter, he had an A in gym (for showing up)...3 D's and an F! For the semester, he wound up with an A, 2 C's and 2 D's....thanks in part to the B's he had from the first quarter, when we were doing it by ourselves with no diagnosis.
I thought getting him diagnosed, and having him learn about Asperger's was going to help...but no....since he has been going to group therapy...he's now really starting to ACT like he has it with no effort to fit in or act "neuro-typical". It isn't that he is trying to use it as an excuse...so maybe I am just uber sensitive and finding out all these traits, since I am doing research and I am realizing more and more what used to be just odd is now officially "Aspie".
His step-dad says he is lazy. We have made efforts to leave work early to pick him up after school, because he seemed to think it was easier to do his school work at school than at home. I emailed all of his teacher, who assured me he was "doing just fine". WTF? Do they think D's and F's are acceptable in my house? Did they not listen to me at the team meeting when I told them if you tell him he is doing fine HE THINKS HE IS DONE AND QUITS WORKING! He told me to back off and let him do it his way several weeks ago...so I did. Not a single assignment was turned in since that day! I explained in advance...no scholarship...no college money from Mom.
Ok, I know a lot of parents of kids with Autism and Asperger's would be happy if their child even had a hope of college...but this is a kid with an IQ of 130 and he is almost 17...there is no reason for him not to excel. The fact that he managed to pass all his classes (yes, I guess the D's are passing by some parents standards) without doing a single assignment for the semester is AMAZING! His classes are Honors English (which this year he loves because it is literature again), AP Psychology (which he loves but doesn't do his study guides so he is bombing....and he wants to be a psychologist when he grows up??), Trig (math...yeah!), Spanish II (he hates and will never take Spanish again), and Gym (which for the first time ever he seemed to like). Typically, I would have expected him to be able to pull off B's in Trig and Psychology and a B or C in English and a low C in Spanish II...so what the heck happened this quarter?
My great friend's daughter died after injuries suffered in a car wreck about a month ago. My son was raised with this girl...they went on family vacations together, they went to school together, they did community theatre together....they told people that their moms were BFF so that meant they were cousins. We moved out of town, but saw her last spring for my son's surprise 16th birthday party down south. For a week, we were here...waiting for news. I am sure he couldn't concentrate very well at school after finding out about the wreck. Then after she passed away....off we went on a 16 hour drive to be there for the visitation and funeral. We were gone a week. We came back just in time for a two-day week and then a 5 day Thanksgiving break. I emailed his teachers...they said "don't worry about it"....I asked them to prepare all his assignments so that he could work over the 5 day break. Most of them didn't give him any. I emailed repeatedly...and have back confirmation from all of them that he had turned in "most" of his missing work and was doing well with the material and had "caught up". So, why are his grades the worst in his life?
I don't know if:
1. The teachers now expect less of him because of his diagnosis.
2. He now has an excuse to do bad because of the diagnosis.
3. The death of his friend, and change of routine was insurmountable because of the diagnosis.
4. He is now so obsessed with Dungeons and Dragons that he doesn't do work anymore.
5. The amount of make up work was so great that his anxiety caused him to shut down and just not do anything anymore.
6. Some combination of all of the above.
So, he is going down south to his dad's for Christmas. There we were, the day we are supposed to be celebrating our family Christmas Eve...and I am yelling at my son, asking if he is truly as lazy as some people think...because it appears he didn't even TRY! Not a single assignment done...no make up work...no new work...no assignments I asked about and was told were done....not the take home test that I made special arrangements with the teacher for him to turn in late. NOTHING! His response, "You're right, Mom. My way didn't work. I guess we can do it your way next semester."
My way is this. I am trying to arrange a meeting with all his new teachers and the guidance counselor and director of "Special Services" at the beginning of the new semester to adjust his schedule a bit to lighten his load. I want an email at the beginning of the week from each teacher (no exception...the class he failed, the teacher never once replied to an email). I want him to come straight home after school (no sneaking around with your D and D friends when you promised me you were doing all your homework). He will come home, shower, shave, and brush his teeth until his step-dad gets home at 4 pm. He will then sit at the kitchen table in silence doing all of his homework until it is inspected and certified as done by his step-dad. He is then free to hang out with us and watch tv or read in the living room, but he is grounded from any computers, video games, ipod (not a biggie...he lost it a few weeks ago anyway), and his brothers rooms for the quarter. If this doesn't work...we do things his step-dad's way...which is he sits and studies each subject with him from 4 pm until bed with not breaks.
What I just don't get is why my son could do this a few years ago...but not now?? Everything I have read points to Asperger's symptoms getting better as they age...not worse. He has more symptoms in the last three months than ever before...so I am back to the question, "Did diagnosing him make him worse?"
Merry FREAKING Christmas...Mom's done yelling at you so lets go open some presents! God bless him!
Friday, December 23, 2011
In the beginning.....there was ADHD.....
Ok, so I've never blogged before but I thought I needed a way to share my frustrations in dealing and loving my newly diagnosed Asperger's son. We've had the diagnosis for two whole months now and it has been a total roller coaster.
My number one feeling since diagnosis is guilt. How could I not have realized what was wrong with my son for so long. He is a 16 year old...and has had symptoms since soon after birth, I suppose...we just thought he was a unique kid. He still is a unique kid...but now a unique kid with a diagnosis.
Why, you might ask, did we push to have a kid who is making B's and C's in all honors classes in high school (some parents I am sure are jealous), and otherwise seemingly thriving, to get diagnosed with Aspergers? Because, I was tired of making excuses about his hygiene and other unique characteristics to his father, step-father and friends and step-brother. I guess I felt like I needed to prove that there was something wrong with him...and that I wasn't just a bad mom who couldn't teach her son to shower every day and had to remind him at 16 to use shampoo when he washes his hair. I was looking for a reason why he can't remember that he needs to wear clean clothes every day...but his 13 year old brother understands. I was looking for a reason to prove that I didn't just raise him to be lazy and not do homework...maybe there is a medical reason why he just can't remember things....
He was always special and super bright! Funny, all the cute stories I told about him as a child, now all point to Asperger's. His first word was ball...at 9 months. By 12 months, he could tell you whether it was a baseball, football, basketball or soccer ball. At 15 months...he said his first full sentence, "Da dog got da ball". (Sure enough, the dog was running around the back yard with a ball in his mouth. At 18 months, he noticed there was a ball in the night sky....and when I told him it was the moon...he decided to call it a "Moonball". At 19 months, he could say his entire ABC's. I suppose, looking back, his first "special interest" was balls.
Verbally, he was very advanced....and physically he was a huge 9 1b baby with a great big head (a big brain they assured me). His motor skills were sadly behind. At the time I was doing a residency in pediatrics at a local children's hospital (yep...I am a pediatrician) and curbside consulted a developmental doctor when he still wasn't walking at 15 months. "Don't worry" , she said, "He's just a big baby and it takes a lot of muscle to move all that mass!". He went to a terrific day care here in town, where they advanced him, based on size and verbal ability and intellect, much more quickly than the other kids. I didn't even really pay attention until a few years ago, watching an old movie of my son's birthday at the daycare. You can hear me distinctly telling another child, "No, Alex isn't turning 4 like all of you...he is just now turning 3."
My first warning sign that something wasn't right, actually wasn't until we packed up and moved to South Carolina, when he was 3 1/2. I remember being at my new partner's house (as a brand new fresh out of residency "real doctor") and Alex was running back and forth all over her living room and she asked "Does he ever stop?" She was impressed that he had read the name of the VHS movie that she had hand written though. He was kicked out of his new daycare in a matter of months, because he was a "bad kid" who never listened. WTH? He was at his old daycare from 4 months to 3 1/2 years old and they thought he was a joy and wonderful. (of course...hindsight says he was placed with the 5 year olds). My husband (at the time) and I moved him to an extremely expensive (read public college tuition would have been cheaper) preschool, where with the exception of a few glitches...he did well.
He apparently stabbed a little girl in the neck with a fork one day at lunch. I personally take exception to the stabbed part. I examined the child myself and there was not a mark on her! Can you actually stab without drawing blood? Wouldn't that be more of a poke? Anyway, another time he grabbed the teachers chest and said, "Boobies, boobies". But I blame that on his dad...he taught him that one at 15 months as a joke. Alex was still very precocious...but not obsessed with animals. He had all kinds of animal books, miniature animals, an animal mural in his room...and preferred Animal Planet to cartoons. I took him to meet Jack Hannah and get an autograph when he was 5. (I thought he was so smart...he wanted to be an endangered animal neonatologist....but can we say special interest number 2?) One day at 4 years old at dinner, he asked, "How do pandas mate?". I said, "What?" I wasn't sure I had heard him right. Alex sighed and said, "How do pandas make baby pandas?". Like I didn't know what the term mate meant! I told him to go ask his dad...who nicely explained, "The same way mommies and daddies make baby brothers." Thankfully, that was enough for him...and thankfully we warned his teacher so she was prepared for..."How do koalas mate?" She answered, "The same way pandas do." I later realized that the Discovery Channel was running a special on the giant pandas. I was so proud when he graduated 4 year old preschool with the math and science award. Little did I know that maybe I should have paid attention to the teacher saying proudly, "Alex loves the math center! All he wants to do is add and subtract...so we let him. While the other kids are listening to group story time, Alex is off by himself doing math. We don't worry about it...since he is doing so well with his reading too".
Kindergarten was the beginning of a nightmare. Three weeks into private parochial school in S.C. I was called into conference. I had asked for placement in their "Advanced" Kindergarten...since Alex could read, add and subtract single digit numbers by the age of 5. The teacher accused me of lying to her. She said he didn't even know his vowels. (umm...my fault...when he could read the word zebra, does it really matter if he knows the vowels are A,E,I,O,U?) She said he was sitting under the table, hitting, not following the rules and didn't even know how to count. WTH? Is she really talking about my son?? By now his activity level was extreme...so after visiting with my partner....we decided to start him on Vitamin R....Ritalin. His father was not happy. I guess he thought that was a sign of a bad parent that we needed our son medicated? Oh well...he got over it quickly when he saw how great it worked. Two hours into the very first dose, I got a call from Mrs. Witch the teacher. (Did I mention that she had told me that my son was the worst child she had ever taught in 14 years of teaching? And she had a son with ADHD and she had said that wasn't the issue...he was just a bad child?....and I was paying $ for this?) Anyway, Mrs. Witch says...what did you do to him? I asked what she meant. She said, "I marked him absent because I hadn't had to yell at him all morning so I figured he wasn't here (In Kindergarten?? Again, I am paying $$$ for this??). Oh, and did you know he can read?".
The birds were singing....the sun was shining...we knew what was wrong! Our precious, precocious little boy had ADHD! The next few years go by in a blur. Math was his favorite thing. I taught him to multiply one night between ordering a pizza and getting it...he did math workbooks instead of coloring. He started listening to Harry Potter audio books. His baby brother moved into the animal room and he got a new big boy "Harry Potter" room. He decided that he was going to be President of the United States, and started following politics (in 1st grade). He decided on Undergraduated at Duke, Law School at Harvard, and then home to be Mayor, then State Senator, then US Senator, then President. (also first grade). He was the youngest child at the school to ever learn to cheat on a test....again 1st grade. He could talk anyone into anything. We put him in a special soccer program that didn't keep score...because he wanted to play but running wasn't his thing. He did one year...and we promptly switched to cub scouts as better suited to his lack of motor skills. He and I had great indepth conversations...but occasionally I would have to explain a common word to him (but define it with a much more complex word). I can't point to one special interest at this time...perhaps the ADHD had him jumping from one special interest to another....but I do remember he had a restaurant mint collection. By Third grade...life at that school was unbearable. His evil teacher told him he wasn't as smart as the other kids because he wouldn't do his work, and didn't make straight A's. I asked her what the consequences for not doing work were...she said they weren't allowed to punish them for not getting it done. She didn't like when I laughed and told her that if there was no reason for me to do it....I'd never turn it in either.....
His self esteem in shambles...he move to public school....where he was promptly placed in the gifted program. (Amazingly, they didn't count spelling scores in his gpa because at 4th grade level...he still couldn't spell "CAT" or "GREAT" correctly). His 4th grade teacher...we'll call her Mrs. Wonderful, told me that Alex was "always going to be a C student...it didn't matter if we put him in honors or remedial....he'd never do his homework and always wind up with C's...so we might as well put him in the most advanced classes so he doesn't get bored". Mrs. Wonderful was a brilliant teacher, who assigned the cutest/sweetest girl in class to sit next to Alex. His little guardian angel would make sure he had his assignments written down and all the right books in his back pack (she will make a great teacher or mother someday). Alex was more that willing to accept this assistance, because he had a big crush on her and loved the one on one attention. The next morning, she would help him unpack his bag and turn in his assignments. Mrs. Wonderful recognized his handwriting difficulties (he couldn't print because the school from hell believed in cursive exclusively...and his handwritting was horrible). If she couldn't read a spelling word, she would call him to her desk and ask him to verbally spell it for her and if he got it right she gave him credit. She also suggested that I type for him any assignments that were graded on neatness, and to start teaching him how to type. How I wish I could go back to those days...because at the high school level...it isn't quite that easy! By that point....he was taking the maximum FDA recommended doses of what ever stimulant de jour that his psychiatrist had him on. She was convinced, "He is the worst case of 'non-comorbid' ADHD she had seen in 20 years of practice". Ok...first Mrs. Witch and now the Shrink both think my kid is the worst ever? He's so good and sweet for me and Mrs. Wonderful?
I know this is probably boring to everyone who is reading but hopefully things will get more interesting as we go along....I just need to get some perspective on the background....
My number one feeling since diagnosis is guilt. How could I not have realized what was wrong with my son for so long. He is a 16 year old...and has had symptoms since soon after birth, I suppose...we just thought he was a unique kid. He still is a unique kid...but now a unique kid with a diagnosis.
Why, you might ask, did we push to have a kid who is making B's and C's in all honors classes in high school (some parents I am sure are jealous), and otherwise seemingly thriving, to get diagnosed with Aspergers? Because, I was tired of making excuses about his hygiene and other unique characteristics to his father, step-father and friends and step-brother. I guess I felt like I needed to prove that there was something wrong with him...and that I wasn't just a bad mom who couldn't teach her son to shower every day and had to remind him at 16 to use shampoo when he washes his hair. I was looking for a reason why he can't remember that he needs to wear clean clothes every day...but his 13 year old brother understands. I was looking for a reason to prove that I didn't just raise him to be lazy and not do homework...maybe there is a medical reason why he just can't remember things....
He was always special and super bright! Funny, all the cute stories I told about him as a child, now all point to Asperger's. His first word was ball...at 9 months. By 12 months, he could tell you whether it was a baseball, football, basketball or soccer ball. At 15 months...he said his first full sentence, "Da dog got da ball". (Sure enough, the dog was running around the back yard with a ball in his mouth. At 18 months, he noticed there was a ball in the night sky....and when I told him it was the moon...he decided to call it a "Moonball". At 19 months, he could say his entire ABC's. I suppose, looking back, his first "special interest" was balls.
Verbally, he was very advanced....and physically he was a huge 9 1b baby with a great big head (a big brain they assured me). His motor skills were sadly behind. At the time I was doing a residency in pediatrics at a local children's hospital (yep...I am a pediatrician) and curbside consulted a developmental doctor when he still wasn't walking at 15 months. "Don't worry" , she said, "He's just a big baby and it takes a lot of muscle to move all that mass!". He went to a terrific day care here in town, where they advanced him, based on size and verbal ability and intellect, much more quickly than the other kids. I didn't even really pay attention until a few years ago, watching an old movie of my son's birthday at the daycare. You can hear me distinctly telling another child, "No, Alex isn't turning 4 like all of you...he is just now turning 3."
My first warning sign that something wasn't right, actually wasn't until we packed up and moved to South Carolina, when he was 3 1/2. I remember being at my new partner's house (as a brand new fresh out of residency "real doctor") and Alex was running back and forth all over her living room and she asked "Does he ever stop?" She was impressed that he had read the name of the VHS movie that she had hand written though. He was kicked out of his new daycare in a matter of months, because he was a "bad kid" who never listened. WTH? He was at his old daycare from 4 months to 3 1/2 years old and they thought he was a joy and wonderful. (of course...hindsight says he was placed with the 5 year olds). My husband (at the time) and I moved him to an extremely expensive (read public college tuition would have been cheaper) preschool, where with the exception of a few glitches...he did well.
He apparently stabbed a little girl in the neck with a fork one day at lunch. I personally take exception to the stabbed part. I examined the child myself and there was not a mark on her! Can you actually stab without drawing blood? Wouldn't that be more of a poke? Anyway, another time he grabbed the teachers chest and said, "Boobies, boobies". But I blame that on his dad...he taught him that one at 15 months as a joke. Alex was still very precocious...but not obsessed with animals. He had all kinds of animal books, miniature animals, an animal mural in his room...and preferred Animal Planet to cartoons. I took him to meet Jack Hannah and get an autograph when he was 5. (I thought he was so smart...he wanted to be an endangered animal neonatologist....but can we say special interest number 2?) One day at 4 years old at dinner, he asked, "How do pandas mate?". I said, "What?" I wasn't sure I had heard him right. Alex sighed and said, "How do pandas make baby pandas?". Like I didn't know what the term mate meant! I told him to go ask his dad...who nicely explained, "The same way mommies and daddies make baby brothers." Thankfully, that was enough for him...and thankfully we warned his teacher so she was prepared for..."How do koalas mate?" She answered, "The same way pandas do." I later realized that the Discovery Channel was running a special on the giant pandas. I was so proud when he graduated 4 year old preschool with the math and science award. Little did I know that maybe I should have paid attention to the teacher saying proudly, "Alex loves the math center! All he wants to do is add and subtract...so we let him. While the other kids are listening to group story time, Alex is off by himself doing math. We don't worry about it...since he is doing so well with his reading too".
Kindergarten was the beginning of a nightmare. Three weeks into private parochial school in S.C. I was called into conference. I had asked for placement in their "Advanced" Kindergarten...since Alex could read, add and subtract single digit numbers by the age of 5. The teacher accused me of lying to her. She said he didn't even know his vowels. (umm...my fault...when he could read the word zebra, does it really matter if he knows the vowels are A,E,I,O,U?) She said he was sitting under the table, hitting, not following the rules and didn't even know how to count. WTH? Is she really talking about my son?? By now his activity level was extreme...so after visiting with my partner....we decided to start him on Vitamin R....Ritalin. His father was not happy. I guess he thought that was a sign of a bad parent that we needed our son medicated? Oh well...he got over it quickly when he saw how great it worked. Two hours into the very first dose, I got a call from Mrs. Witch the teacher. (Did I mention that she had told me that my son was the worst child she had ever taught in 14 years of teaching? And she had a son with ADHD and she had said that wasn't the issue...he was just a bad child?....and I was paying $ for this?) Anyway, Mrs. Witch says...what did you do to him? I asked what she meant. She said, "I marked him absent because I hadn't had to yell at him all morning so I figured he wasn't here (In Kindergarten?? Again, I am paying $$$ for this??). Oh, and did you know he can read?".
The birds were singing....the sun was shining...we knew what was wrong! Our precious, precocious little boy had ADHD! The next few years go by in a blur. Math was his favorite thing. I taught him to multiply one night between ordering a pizza and getting it...he did math workbooks instead of coloring. He started listening to Harry Potter audio books. His baby brother moved into the animal room and he got a new big boy "Harry Potter" room. He decided that he was going to be President of the United States, and started following politics (in 1st grade). He decided on Undergraduated at Duke, Law School at Harvard, and then home to be Mayor, then State Senator, then US Senator, then President. (also first grade). He was the youngest child at the school to ever learn to cheat on a test....again 1st grade. He could talk anyone into anything. We put him in a special soccer program that didn't keep score...because he wanted to play but running wasn't his thing. He did one year...and we promptly switched to cub scouts as better suited to his lack of motor skills. He and I had great indepth conversations...but occasionally I would have to explain a common word to him (but define it with a much more complex word). I can't point to one special interest at this time...perhaps the ADHD had him jumping from one special interest to another....but I do remember he had a restaurant mint collection. By Third grade...life at that school was unbearable. His evil teacher told him he wasn't as smart as the other kids because he wouldn't do his work, and didn't make straight A's. I asked her what the consequences for not doing work were...she said they weren't allowed to punish them for not getting it done. She didn't like when I laughed and told her that if there was no reason for me to do it....I'd never turn it in either.....
His self esteem in shambles...he move to public school....where he was promptly placed in the gifted program. (Amazingly, they didn't count spelling scores in his gpa because at 4th grade level...he still couldn't spell "CAT" or "GREAT" correctly). His 4th grade teacher...we'll call her Mrs. Wonderful, told me that Alex was "always going to be a C student...it didn't matter if we put him in honors or remedial....he'd never do his homework and always wind up with C's...so we might as well put him in the most advanced classes so he doesn't get bored". Mrs. Wonderful was a brilliant teacher, who assigned the cutest/sweetest girl in class to sit next to Alex. His little guardian angel would make sure he had his assignments written down and all the right books in his back pack (she will make a great teacher or mother someday). Alex was more that willing to accept this assistance, because he had a big crush on her and loved the one on one attention. The next morning, she would help him unpack his bag and turn in his assignments. Mrs. Wonderful recognized his handwriting difficulties (he couldn't print because the school from hell believed in cursive exclusively...and his handwritting was horrible). If she couldn't read a spelling word, she would call him to her desk and ask him to verbally spell it for her and if he got it right she gave him credit. She also suggested that I type for him any assignments that were graded on neatness, and to start teaching him how to type. How I wish I could go back to those days...because at the high school level...it isn't quite that easy! By that point....he was taking the maximum FDA recommended doses of what ever stimulant de jour that his psychiatrist had him on. She was convinced, "He is the worst case of 'non-comorbid' ADHD she had seen in 20 years of practice". Ok...first Mrs. Witch and now the Shrink both think my kid is the worst ever? He's so good and sweet for me and Mrs. Wonderful?
I know this is probably boring to everyone who is reading but hopefully things will get more interesting as we go along....I just need to get some perspective on the background....
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