Thursday, January 5, 2012
12 years later.....and we FINALLY have a 504!
Met with the High School for the second time today. I pointed out how frustrated I was that since the "accomodations" that my sons grades are worse than ever. T
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Cleaning time!
Ok...so Step-dad might not have been as impressed with what my boys accomplished yesterday...but I saw how hard all three worked. His kiddo required just as much help as my two biologically did. All three worked for 5 solid hours...then loaded the truck with the goodwill stuff for me while I was in the shower without even being asked to! They reorganized their closets....donated 8 huge plastic bags full of clothes to goodwill and otherwise straightened up.
My AS son did just as well as his NT brothers. Now, granted they are three years younger....most people would have expected better...but since his was the room I was dreading the most, it was a blessed relief. He did it all by himself. He requested several mini-inspections, where I would give him guidance about what needed to be worked on next (in a big list form so he could pick the task he wanted to do first), but in the end he got them all done. We ran out of time and energy to vacuum....so of course SD pointed that out and apparently I didn't remind him about under the bed...so he got critiqued for that...
Ok....so my husband is not quite the "taskmaster" that it sounds like...I was using him being gone to work and the kids surprising him to motivate them. He didn't yell at them about their rooms...just pointed out one kid neglected all his drawers and the other under the bed....
It would have been nice if he would have given them a positive...good job son...but he is old school former Army Ranger...and when a superior does a bunk inspection...nothing bad is praise enough. I don't hold to that way of thinking so they got plenty of praise from me! (Along with a list of things to finish up today!)
So, here is what we accomplished today,
-with much less assistance than ever before my AS kid cleaned and organized his own room. (boy how I wish he had gotten the organization freak type of AS...but oh well)
-he learned a valuable communication lesson about how normal people do not live like hoarders...and that he has a "hoarding gene" that he must fight like an "addiction gene"
-he was rewarded by an evening alone with his computer
-he is ready to tackle the rest of the "easier tasks" today like vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom (which is surprisingly not so bad)
The great thing about his college of choice is that he can get a single occupancy room with his own bathroom in one of the dorm quads...at the same price as a double occupancy (due to his diagnosis) so that he can learn to live with strangers and share the common area (kitchen and living room) while still having his own private area to retreat to and study in! Now we just have to make the grades to get into college!
My AS son did just as well as his NT brothers. Now, granted they are three years younger....most people would have expected better...but since his was the room I was dreading the most, it was a blessed relief. He did it all by himself. He requested several mini-inspections, where I would give him guidance about what needed to be worked on next (in a big list form so he could pick the task he wanted to do first), but in the end he got them all done. We ran out of time and energy to vacuum....so of course SD pointed that out and apparently I didn't remind him about under the bed...so he got critiqued for that...
Ok....so my husband is not quite the "taskmaster" that it sounds like...I was using him being gone to work and the kids surprising him to motivate them. He didn't yell at them about their rooms...just pointed out one kid neglected all his drawers and the other under the bed....
It would have been nice if he would have given them a positive...good job son...but he is old school former Army Ranger...and when a superior does a bunk inspection...nothing bad is praise enough. I don't hold to that way of thinking so they got plenty of praise from me! (Along with a list of things to finish up today!)
So, here is what we accomplished today,
-with much less assistance than ever before my AS kid cleaned and organized his own room. (boy how I wish he had gotten the organization freak type of AS...but oh well)
-he learned a valuable communication lesson about how normal people do not live like hoarders...and that he has a "hoarding gene" that he must fight like an "addiction gene"
-he was rewarded by an evening alone with his computer
-he is ready to tackle the rest of the "easier tasks" today like vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom (which is surprisingly not so bad)
The great thing about his college of choice is that he can get a single occupancy room with his own bathroom in one of the dorm quads...at the same price as a double occupancy (due to his diagnosis) so that he can learn to live with strangers and share the common area (kitchen and living room) while still having his own private area to retreat to and study in! Now we just have to make the grades to get into college!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
More background....
I realized that I sort of left the past hanging....I stopped the story at 4th grade and he is in 11th now. For the sake of completeness (if that is a word), I'll finish the story.
Third grade was the year his father and I got divorced. Over the summer before 4th, we moved to a new house and he went to a new school...with Mrs. Wonderful, the worlds best teacher. I started dating again, a guy who's son I was convinced had AS. Strange how I could see all the signs in him but not my own son. This kid was a great kid...but definately had AS. He loved to turn in circles, hated to be touched or hugged...even by his parents. He couldn't make eye contact and would look down and away when asked a question. He would answer questions with brief sentences. He had a NT younger sister, who was the same age as my AS kiddo. Those 4 made quite the group. Nobody thought any behaviors were strange....everyone understood weird or odd behaviors.
At this point, Alex, my son was deeply involved in community theatre. I have read recently that it is a great activity for AS kids. They seem to have no stage fright, their loud speech and over exaggerated facial expressions are prized. They memorize scripts of conversations, with specific directed emotions...so they learn to put that face, with those words to convey that expression, like anger or fear. He did very well with the tech side of things as well (no suprise there!). I remember that grades were a struggle, and he still never did homework. He failed spelling that year....but was busy learning Latin at the gifted program. I was assured that spelling issues were a frequent problem with gifted children because they learn to read before they learn to spell rather than at the same time. I don't know...I think that AS gifted kids have trouble spelling. Anyway...he auditioned and was accepted to a magnet school for drama focus. We were very excited because he knew a bunch of the kids that were already in the program from the community theatre.
We had an incident just before school got out for the summer. He had one of those giant sized pencils. Well, he was forever forgetting to bring his supplies to school...so he decided to try and use that pencil in class, but it needed to be sharpened. Now, in hindsight a NT kid would have brought a different pencil, or asked the teacher for help, or brought it home to sharpen. My son took his pocket knife to school and proceeded to get it out at the start of class to sharpen his pencil. By the time I got to the school, the police were already involved. He was suspended immediately pending an investigation. Looking back, it was very odd that the school requested that he come in for standardized testing for 5 of the 10 days of his suspension....but I took him figuring that if they tried to say he was such a danger...it wouldn't hold up in court if they asked him to come back. We meet with the school district head lady....and she unsuspended him, but that was the last day of 5th grade. It didn't affect his entrance to the drama program though.
6th, 7th and 8th were a blur.....all three of us were involved in the theatre...Alex had great teachers...he got to go on school field trips to Atlanta, DC, and NYC. He seemed to have friends...the kids he hung out with at school were the kids he hung out with at home, because they all did the same after school activities, or were my friends kids. He still hadn't outgrown his Pokemon craze and his best friend was actually a senior in HS (who probably had AS). His grades were ok...several times he was on the honor roll. He was a junior scholar. He told me he didn't understand the middle school dating rules, that "revenge dating" didn't make sense to him. Where a girl goes out with one boy just to make another jealous. I was assured he was very "mature" socially and would bloom in high school and college.
The summer between 8th grade and high school....I had a whirlwind romance and was married within 3 months to Step-dad. Soon after, I adopted his son...who was the same age as my youngest. Alex seemed to get much worse after that....or else I just became sensitized. Having another NT kid in the house provided a stark contrast to what was going on with Alex. Then he started high school (with all the same kids in the same drama focus program), and decided he was having so much fun with theatre...that he didn't do any homework. For the first time, he began to fall behind due to lack of homework. Algebra 2 was a struggle when he never did any assignments. I felt like I was being judged (I wasn't but I felt like it) by Step-dad because I hadn't taught him better work ethics. The younger 2 started middle school....and both had straight A's and were doing homework without prompts. Alex also had his own room for the first time ever, and began to spend more and more time alone.
To make matters worse, for him....the family made the decision to move half way across the country. He had to change houses, change schools and leave the kids that he had gone to school with for 4+ years. Where he came from the drama kids are more popular than the football players.....it was a very special school. The school he moved to was a massive super school. Still, his teachers assured us he was bright, social, polite....he just had an aversion to classwork. Don't worry, they would say...he'll do fine in college. After much yelling, grounding, harassing, counseling sessions, med adjustments....he managed to finish up the 10th grade year with nothing less than a C and a couple of Bs.
By the end of the school year, the psychologist and psychiatrist he was seeing suggested that we have him tested for Aspergers....and by September of 2011 at the age of 16 1/2....he was finally diagnosed. So far, things have gotten worse not better!
Third grade was the year his father and I got divorced. Over the summer before 4th, we moved to a new house and he went to a new school...with Mrs. Wonderful, the worlds best teacher. I started dating again, a guy who's son I was convinced had AS. Strange how I could see all the signs in him but not my own son. This kid was a great kid...but definately had AS. He loved to turn in circles, hated to be touched or hugged...even by his parents. He couldn't make eye contact and would look down and away when asked a question. He would answer questions with brief sentences. He had a NT younger sister, who was the same age as my AS kiddo. Those 4 made quite the group. Nobody thought any behaviors were strange....everyone understood weird or odd behaviors.
At this point, Alex, my son was deeply involved in community theatre. I have read recently that it is a great activity for AS kids. They seem to have no stage fright, their loud speech and over exaggerated facial expressions are prized. They memorize scripts of conversations, with specific directed emotions...so they learn to put that face, with those words to convey that expression, like anger or fear. He did very well with the tech side of things as well (no suprise there!). I remember that grades were a struggle, and he still never did homework. He failed spelling that year....but was busy learning Latin at the gifted program. I was assured that spelling issues were a frequent problem with gifted children because they learn to read before they learn to spell rather than at the same time. I don't know...I think that AS gifted kids have trouble spelling. Anyway...he auditioned and was accepted to a magnet school for drama focus. We were very excited because he knew a bunch of the kids that were already in the program from the community theatre.
We had an incident just before school got out for the summer. He had one of those giant sized pencils. Well, he was forever forgetting to bring his supplies to school...so he decided to try and use that pencil in class, but it needed to be sharpened. Now, in hindsight a NT kid would have brought a different pencil, or asked the teacher for help, or brought it home to sharpen. My son took his pocket knife to school and proceeded to get it out at the start of class to sharpen his pencil. By the time I got to the school, the police were already involved. He was suspended immediately pending an investigation. Looking back, it was very odd that the school requested that he come in for standardized testing for 5 of the 10 days of his suspension....but I took him figuring that if they tried to say he was such a danger...it wouldn't hold up in court if they asked him to come back. We meet with the school district head lady....and she unsuspended him, but that was the last day of 5th grade. It didn't affect his entrance to the drama program though.
6th, 7th and 8th were a blur.....all three of us were involved in the theatre...Alex had great teachers...he got to go on school field trips to Atlanta, DC, and NYC. He seemed to have friends...the kids he hung out with at school were the kids he hung out with at home, because they all did the same after school activities, or were my friends kids. He still hadn't outgrown his Pokemon craze and his best friend was actually a senior in HS (who probably had AS). His grades were ok...several times he was on the honor roll. He was a junior scholar. He told me he didn't understand the middle school dating rules, that "revenge dating" didn't make sense to him. Where a girl goes out with one boy just to make another jealous. I was assured he was very "mature" socially and would bloom in high school and college.
The summer between 8th grade and high school....I had a whirlwind romance and was married within 3 months to Step-dad. Soon after, I adopted his son...who was the same age as my youngest. Alex seemed to get much worse after that....or else I just became sensitized. Having another NT kid in the house provided a stark contrast to what was going on with Alex. Then he started high school (with all the same kids in the same drama focus program), and decided he was having so much fun with theatre...that he didn't do any homework. For the first time, he began to fall behind due to lack of homework. Algebra 2 was a struggle when he never did any assignments. I felt like I was being judged (I wasn't but I felt like it) by Step-dad because I hadn't taught him better work ethics. The younger 2 started middle school....and both had straight A's and were doing homework without prompts. Alex also had his own room for the first time ever, and began to spend more and more time alone.
To make matters worse, for him....the family made the decision to move half way across the country. He had to change houses, change schools and leave the kids that he had gone to school with for 4+ years. Where he came from the drama kids are more popular than the football players.....it was a very special school. The school he moved to was a massive super school. Still, his teachers assured us he was bright, social, polite....he just had an aversion to classwork. Don't worry, they would say...he'll do fine in college. After much yelling, grounding, harassing, counseling sessions, med adjustments....he managed to finish up the 10th grade year with nothing less than a C and a couple of Bs.
By the end of the school year, the psychologist and psychiatrist he was seeing suggested that we have him tested for Aspergers....and by September of 2011 at the age of 16 1/2....he was finally diagnosed. So far, things have gotten worse not better!
Home again....here we go....
So my sons flew home last night from their Christmas vacation. Aparently, my son was having a rather loud (because he is always loud) conversation at the airport about, "How do they really know I don't have a bomb in my pocket?" His younger brothers hushed him up before security could get involved and they made the flight and flew home safely.
He walked in the door...instantly walked up and hugged me and said how much he missed me...the walked upstairs to his bedroom and I didn't see him again until this morning at 11:30. My youngest son, took note of the fact that I didn't pick them up and was looking a bit pale and asked if I was sick (which I was). Near midnight, we got a call from a neighbor inviting us to come and toast in the new year with us. The two younger boys jumped at the chance to go...but of course the oldest prefered to spend the New Year in his room. His phone wasn't on so I couldn't even text him happy New Year. I guess he spent it the way he wanted.
I hope he is enjoying his last day of computer time. Tomorrow the grounding starts and the new "grade plan". The idea is that he comes home from school, showers, shaves (after school seems to be his preferred time because he says it washed the school stress away), and then sits down at the table for supervised homework time with his step-dad until I get home from work. I feel like we are back in second grade instead of 11th. I found his 8th grade final report...all A and Bs...honor roll even! What have I done wrong since then? (except get married, add a new step-brother, move to a new state and new school, have him lose one of his friend to an accident....ok so maybe it has been a stressful 2 years for the kid).
Next, week Step-dad and I have an appointment with the AS specialist, who also does his weekly group social skills therapy sessions. I am hoping for hints on how to help my son improve his grades....and to hopefully straighten out in S.D's mind how much of my son's issues are laziness and how much is do to anxiety and overwhelm from his AS. I think there may be a bit of both!
Tomorrow is going to be a fun day. I have given all three boys warning and a day to get their rooms straightened out before I come through and start throwing things away. Should have a fun post tomorrow....
He walked in the door...instantly walked up and hugged me and said how much he missed me...the walked upstairs to his bedroom and I didn't see him again until this morning at 11:30. My youngest son, took note of the fact that I didn't pick them up and was looking a bit pale and asked if I was sick (which I was). Near midnight, we got a call from a neighbor inviting us to come and toast in the new year with us. The two younger boys jumped at the chance to go...but of course the oldest prefered to spend the New Year in his room. His phone wasn't on so I couldn't even text him happy New Year. I guess he spent it the way he wanted.
I hope he is enjoying his last day of computer time. Tomorrow the grounding starts and the new "grade plan". The idea is that he comes home from school, showers, shaves (after school seems to be his preferred time because he says it washed the school stress away), and then sits down at the table for supervised homework time with his step-dad until I get home from work. I feel like we are back in second grade instead of 11th. I found his 8th grade final report...all A and Bs...honor roll even! What have I done wrong since then? (except get married, add a new step-brother, move to a new state and new school, have him lose one of his friend to an accident....ok so maybe it has been a stressful 2 years for the kid).
Next, week Step-dad and I have an appointment with the AS specialist, who also does his weekly group social skills therapy sessions. I am hoping for hints on how to help my son improve his grades....and to hopefully straighten out in S.D's mind how much of my son's issues are laziness and how much is do to anxiety and overwhelm from his AS. I think there may be a bit of both!
Tomorrow is going to be a fun day. I have given all three boys warning and a day to get their rooms straightened out before I come through and start throwing things away. Should have a fun post tomorrow....
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Why have a phone if you don't ever turn it on?
One big clue my son has AS was that he had a cell phone he never used...forgot to carry....and never had charged or turned on. He had only 1 friend in his phone, I didn't add for him. Not your typical almost 17 year old son!
He has been away for 5 days...that include Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and it didn't dawn on him to call or text his mom that he made it safely to his Dad's, or to say Merry Christmas. I know he made it fine because his younger brother has called or texted continuously...and he said he was fine. Sigh....I tried to call him...but of course the phone isn't on.
He always has his iTouch with him...he likes to listen to the same D and D podcasts over and over again. (until it go stolen from him/he lost it at school a few weeks ago) I have debated about upgrading him to an iPhone....just because then I will be sure he has it and it's on and in his ears when I need to get ahold of him.
The plus side is...if and when he ever gets a license to drive I'll never have to worry about him texting or using the phone while driving....
He has been away for 5 days...that include Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and it didn't dawn on him to call or text his mom that he made it safely to his Dad's, or to say Merry Christmas. I know he made it fine because his younger brother has called or texted continuously...and he said he was fine. Sigh....I tried to call him...but of course the phone isn't on.
He always has his iTouch with him...he likes to listen to the same D and D podcasts over and over again. (until it go stolen from him/he lost it at school a few weeks ago) I have debated about upgrading him to an iPhone....just because then I will be sure he has it and it's on and in his ears when I need to get ahold of him.
The plus side is...if and when he ever gets a license to drive I'll never have to worry about him texting or using the phone while driving....
To call or not to call....
My son has now been gone since Dec. 23rd. I have a total of 3 teen boys...two with their dad and one with his grandparents and all in N.C. The younger two boys (both 8th grade) and both
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Grade Cards the day before Christmas....
God bless my son! I learned to say that after living in the South for 12 years. It is always followed by something that you are going to say bad about someone...or you can talk trash about them and then say "God Bless 'EM" and that makes it alright!
So, God bless him...he got his first grade card since diagnosis with Asperger's and all sorts of "special" accommodations from school, and group therapy to the tune of $50/week. All this extra help was supposed to make our lives, better, easier....like the old show Bionic Man. What he came home with were the worst grades of his life. For the quarter, he had an A in gym (for showing up)...3 D's and an F! For the semester, he wound up with an A, 2 C's and 2 D's....thanks in part to the B's he had from the first quarter, when we were doing it by ourselves with no diagnosis.
I thought getting him diagnosed, and having him learn about Asperger's was going to help...but no....since he has been going to group therapy...he's now really starting to ACT like he has it with no effort to fit in or act "neuro-typical". It isn't that he is trying to use it as an excuse...so maybe I am just uber sensitive and finding out all these traits, since I am doing research and I am realizing more and more what used to be just odd is now officially "Aspie".
His step-dad says he is lazy. We have made efforts to leave work early to pick him up after school, because he seemed to think it was easier to do his school work at school than at home. I emailed all of his teacher, who assured me he was "doing just fine". WTF? Do they think D's and F's are acceptable in my house? Did they not listen to me at the team meeting when I told them if you tell him he is doing fine HE THINKS HE IS DONE AND QUITS WORKING! He told me to back off and let him do it his way several weeks ago...so I did. Not a single assignment was turned in since that day! I explained in advance...no scholarship...no college money from Mom.
Ok, I know a lot of parents of kids with Autism and Asperger's would be happy if their child even had a hope of college...but this is a kid with an IQ of 130 and he is almost 17...there is no reason for him not to excel. The fact that he managed to pass all his classes (yes, I guess the D's are passing by some parents standards) without doing a single assignment for the semester is AMAZING! His classes are Honors English (which this year he loves because it is literature again), AP Psychology (which he loves but doesn't do his study guides so he is bombing....and he wants to be a psychologist when he grows up??), Trig (math...yeah!), Spanish II (he hates and will never take Spanish again), and Gym (which for the first time ever he seemed to like). Typically, I would have expected him to be able to pull off B's in Trig and Psychology and a B or C in English and a low C in Spanish II...so what the heck happened this quarter?
My great friend's daughter died after injuries suffered in a car wreck about a month ago. My son was raised with this girl...they went on family vacations together, they went to school together, they did community theatre together....they told people that their moms were BFF so that meant they were cousins. We moved out of town, but saw her last spring for my son's surprise 16th birthday party down south. For a week, we were here...waiting for news. I am sure he couldn't concentrate very well at school after finding out about the wreck. Then after she passed away....off we went on a 16 hour drive to be there for the visitation and funeral. We were gone a week. We came back just in time for a two-day week and then a 5 day Thanksgiving break. I emailed his teachers...they said "don't worry about it"....I asked them to prepare all his assignments so that he could work over the 5 day break. Most of them didn't give him any. I emailed repeatedly...and have back confirmation from all of them that he had turned in "most" of his missing work and was doing well with the material and had "caught up". So, why are his grades the worst in his life?
I don't know if:
1. The teachers now expect less of him because of his diagnosis.
2. He now has an excuse to do bad because of the diagnosis.
3. The death of his friend, and change of routine was insurmountable because of the diagnosis.
4. He is now so obsessed with Dungeons and Dragons that he doesn't do work anymore.
5. The amount of make up work was so great that his anxiety caused him to shut down and just not do anything anymore.
6. Some combination of all of the above.
So, he is going down south to his dad's for Christmas. There we were, the day we are supposed to be celebrating our family Christmas Eve...and I am yelling at my son, asking if he is truly as lazy as some people think...because it appears he didn't even TRY! Not a single assignment done...no make up work...no new work...no assignments I asked about and was told were done....not the take home test that I made special arrangements with the teacher for him to turn in late. NOTHING! His response, "You're right, Mom. My way didn't work. I guess we can do it your way next semester."
My way is this. I am trying to arrange a meeting with all his new teachers and the guidance counselor and director of "Special Services" at the beginning of the new semester to adjust his schedule a bit to lighten his load. I want an email at the beginning of the week from each teacher (no exception...the class he failed, the teacher never once replied to an email). I want him to come straight home after school (no sneaking around with your D and D friends when you promised me you were doing all your homework). He will come home, shower, shave, and brush his teeth until his step-dad gets home at 4 pm. He will then sit at the kitchen table in silence doing all of his homework until it is inspected and certified as done by his step-dad. He is then free to hang out with us and watch tv or read in the living room, but he is grounded from any computers, video games, ipod (not a biggie...he lost it a few weeks ago anyway), and his brothers rooms for the quarter. If this doesn't work...we do things his step-dad's way...which is he sits and studies each subject with him from 4 pm until bed with not breaks.
What I just don't get is why my son could do this a few years ago...but not now?? Everything I have read points to Asperger's symptoms getting better as they age...not worse. He has more symptoms in the last three months than ever before...so I am back to the question, "Did diagnosing him make him worse?"
Merry FREAKING Christmas...Mom's done yelling at you so lets go open some presents! God bless him!
So, God bless him...he got his first grade card since diagnosis with Asperger's and all sorts of "special" accommodations from school, and group therapy to the tune of $50/week. All this extra help was supposed to make our lives, better, easier....like the old show Bionic Man. What he came home with were the worst grades of his life. For the quarter, he had an A in gym (for showing up)...3 D's and an F! For the semester, he wound up with an A, 2 C's and 2 D's....thanks in part to the B's he had from the first quarter, when we were doing it by ourselves with no diagnosis.
I thought getting him diagnosed, and having him learn about Asperger's was going to help...but no....since he has been going to group therapy...he's now really starting to ACT like he has it with no effort to fit in or act "neuro-typical". It isn't that he is trying to use it as an excuse...so maybe I am just uber sensitive and finding out all these traits, since I am doing research and I am realizing more and more what used to be just odd is now officially "Aspie".
His step-dad says he is lazy. We have made efforts to leave work early to pick him up after school, because he seemed to think it was easier to do his school work at school than at home. I emailed all of his teacher, who assured me he was "doing just fine". WTF? Do they think D's and F's are acceptable in my house? Did they not listen to me at the team meeting when I told them if you tell him he is doing fine HE THINKS HE IS DONE AND QUITS WORKING! He told me to back off and let him do it his way several weeks ago...so I did. Not a single assignment was turned in since that day! I explained in advance...no scholarship...no college money from Mom.
Ok, I know a lot of parents of kids with Autism and Asperger's would be happy if their child even had a hope of college...but this is a kid with an IQ of 130 and he is almost 17...there is no reason for him not to excel. The fact that he managed to pass all his classes (yes, I guess the D's are passing by some parents standards) without doing a single assignment for the semester is AMAZING! His classes are Honors English (which this year he loves because it is literature again), AP Psychology (which he loves but doesn't do his study guides so he is bombing....and he wants to be a psychologist when he grows up??), Trig (math...yeah!), Spanish II (he hates and will never take Spanish again), and Gym (which for the first time ever he seemed to like). Typically, I would have expected him to be able to pull off B's in Trig and Psychology and a B or C in English and a low C in Spanish II...so what the heck happened this quarter?
My great friend's daughter died after injuries suffered in a car wreck about a month ago. My son was raised with this girl...they went on family vacations together, they went to school together, they did community theatre together....they told people that their moms were BFF so that meant they were cousins. We moved out of town, but saw her last spring for my son's surprise 16th birthday party down south. For a week, we were here...waiting for news. I am sure he couldn't concentrate very well at school after finding out about the wreck. Then after she passed away....off we went on a 16 hour drive to be there for the visitation and funeral. We were gone a week. We came back just in time for a two-day week and then a 5 day Thanksgiving break. I emailed his teachers...they said "don't worry about it"....I asked them to prepare all his assignments so that he could work over the 5 day break. Most of them didn't give him any. I emailed repeatedly...and have back confirmation from all of them that he had turned in "most" of his missing work and was doing well with the material and had "caught up". So, why are his grades the worst in his life?
I don't know if:
1. The teachers now expect less of him because of his diagnosis.
2. He now has an excuse to do bad because of the diagnosis.
3. The death of his friend, and change of routine was insurmountable because of the diagnosis.
4. He is now so obsessed with Dungeons and Dragons that he doesn't do work anymore.
5. The amount of make up work was so great that his anxiety caused him to shut down and just not do anything anymore.
6. Some combination of all of the above.
So, he is going down south to his dad's for Christmas. There we were, the day we are supposed to be celebrating our family Christmas Eve...and I am yelling at my son, asking if he is truly as lazy as some people think...because it appears he didn't even TRY! Not a single assignment done...no make up work...no new work...no assignments I asked about and was told were done....not the take home test that I made special arrangements with the teacher for him to turn in late. NOTHING! His response, "You're right, Mom. My way didn't work. I guess we can do it your way next semester."
My way is this. I am trying to arrange a meeting with all his new teachers and the guidance counselor and director of "Special Services" at the beginning of the new semester to adjust his schedule a bit to lighten his load. I want an email at the beginning of the week from each teacher (no exception...the class he failed, the teacher never once replied to an email). I want him to come straight home after school (no sneaking around with your D and D friends when you promised me you were doing all your homework). He will come home, shower, shave, and brush his teeth until his step-dad gets home at 4 pm. He will then sit at the kitchen table in silence doing all of his homework until it is inspected and certified as done by his step-dad. He is then free to hang out with us and watch tv or read in the living room, but he is grounded from any computers, video games, ipod (not a biggie...he lost it a few weeks ago anyway), and his brothers rooms for the quarter. If this doesn't work...we do things his step-dad's way...which is he sits and studies each subject with him from 4 pm until bed with not breaks.
What I just don't get is why my son could do this a few years ago...but not now?? Everything I have read points to Asperger's symptoms getting better as they age...not worse. He has more symptoms in the last three months than ever before...so I am back to the question, "Did diagnosing him make him worse?"
Merry FREAKING Christmas...Mom's done yelling at you so lets go open some presents! God bless him!
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